Chris Joyce was “absolutely broken” from drinking and gambling when he went into rehabilitation over Christmas 2018. In his innocence, the Wicklow GAA senior football analyst believed once he was at the Rutland Centre he’d emerge on a more even keel and even be able to have a drink at an upcoming family wedding.
But he remembers the moment he put those ideas away on Christmas Day six years ago. His mother and brothers had travelled up from the family home in Knocknacarra, Co Galway, to the Rutland Centre in Knocklyon, south Dublin, to visit him in treatment.
“They were sitting eating turkey and ham sandwiches outside on Christmas Day and I was inside having a lovely full-on Christmas dinner,” he says of the moment he realised his problems were acute and were affecting everyone. “It just hit home, okay, this is real. That was a rude awakening, it was hard, it was tough to see. When they left that day I said to myself ‘this is for life, like this is serious’.
“I was sitting there shaking and sweating, I would have been very unhealthy at the time, weighing in at about 130 kilos. I am down to about 85 kilos now. I’d no self-awareness then, couldn’t even make eye contact with people.”
Joyce is now aged 30, sober, gambling-free and a business development manager based in Galway. He was “struggling” with gambling by the time he was 21. He reached out to well-known former GAA player Oisín McConville, who has endured well-documented issues with gambling.
McConville encouraged Joyce, now part of his backroom staff with Wicklow, into the early stages of recovery – “abstinence and going to meetings”. But when Joyce had “a big slip” with his drinking, McConville referred him to the Rutland Centre for a six-week residential programme. He had his last drink on November 11th, 2018, and then went into the centre and hasn’t looked back since.
I could wake tomorrow morning in foul form, and gambling and drinking could be at the forefront of my mind. I know that it’s only an arm’s length away
Joyce said he began gambling at eight years old with fun bets on the Grand National. But his gambling and drinking, which always went hand in hand, “spiralled completely out of control” when he started earning his own money working in Dunnes Stores in Galway at the age of 19.
“I was going into the bookies at lunchtime and after work, obviously then drinking as well. And then I was going into casinos at night time, and having no money and having to walk home. That was a vicious cycle. I left Dunnes to get a Monday-Friday job in Aviva car insurance so I could go drinking and gambling at the weekends. And a month later I was admitted into the Rutland.”
He said the change of role meant more money, resulting in more drinking and more gambling. He tried to “manipulate” those around him, telling them he was not spending much money on his gambling.
“But really I gambled as much as I had and if I was on a bigger wage I would have gambled it all. Getting my head around that [in recovery] was a massive issue.”
On Sunday Joyce was among 80 people who received medallions at a Rutland Centre ceremony in the National Concert Hall in Dublin’s south inner city to celebrate milestones in their recovery. He was celebrating being five years into his recovery. He made a speech to a packed house, something he said he would never have been able to do before he addressed his addictions.
However, that process of talking it out and not reaching for betting or drinking will never be over. There is no finish line, rather a lifelong process.
Even now, he says “small things in my head could be catastrophised”. And it’s crucial for him to continue to call on his support network including his family, McConville, sponsors and other addicts at AA meetings.
“I could wake tomorrow morning in foul form, and gambling and drinking could be at the forefront of my mind. I know that it’s only an arm’s length away. It’s all about a day at a time for me.”